|dont it feel like sunshine after all? the world we loved forever gone.
||[Mar. 7th, 2005|06:08 am]
|||||jimmy eat world-your house||]|
this is for you. you know who you are and i hope you read this.
so i still am a little and alot pissed off from having to defend myself for you. i just dont think it yours nor your BROTHERS place to tell me how i think. when i personally dont think either of you could ever understand how i think. thats bullshit. that whole thing was bullshit. all i wanted was for him to stop saying frick for gods sake!
i may be insecure but i am NOT naive. dont think i dont see what you do. Im not blind. yes, i do have a problem where i tend to trust a lot of people, but what is there without trust? Paranoia? i seriously dont think most people take advantage of me AND even if they are, im a big girl and i dont need you to look out for me okay?
listen...I LOVE YOU. okay? now you know. for sure. you say you like me, and i believe you SO STOP SAYING THAT I DONT BELIEVE YOU. i just dont want us to both like eachother, but remain as friends with benefits. can you understand? if youre going to like me, then do something about it. take me places like other couples OR at least call me! so yes, even though i know and have known that I like you, for my own sake i have backed off. I dont want to hurt myself. and i wont. so IF you truelly like me then do something about it, im not just gonna sit around.
What we did...i wouldnt have done with any other guy. Besides with every other guy in the end i always got this weird stomache feeling and id push away...like i did with jeff...but i didnt with you, i never had that feeling. and that means something to me. so what we did also means something to me. regardless of whether you feel you took advantage of me or not, i dont believe you did. you know kirk, it IS possible for me to say no. Ive done it before, lots of times. and i couldve done it with you.
and we me trusting chad...its not exactly a trust rather than respect. wen i was being a shithead a while back, he was the only one to actually get through to me. Out of all my family aAND out of ALL MY FRIENDS. he was the only one. and him taking the time to talk to me about stuff, really meant a lot to me and to this day has stuck with me.
I have been SO good lately, and all im saying is i really dont need shit from you or you brother. i dont appreciate it whatsoever.
thats all i feel like writing.
you know my number.